Tulips

Day started out great! Had a wonderful MOPS meeting. Had lunch and earring making time with my Ruthe. Drove home in the sunshine listening to worship music and loving the day. Jordyn layed down for her nap with only one story, a kiss and a hug. THEN kids start arriving home from school. Cameron comes home first and it's pretty much World War III the moment he enters the door. I don't know what's up with that kid lately! Chase makes his entrance, eats a snack and quickly head out to the YMCA to work out. Jordyn's awake by the time and I need to run to the store to pick up a few items for a quick dinner. Jorydn is hysterical and I end up just picking her up and bringing her with me. Not until I was in the car driving to the store did I notice that he didn't have shoes on. I'm sure I looked like a great mom dragging my shoeless, green faced (from the sucker she ate after lunch which did not just wipe off!) kid through the store in the middle of February. I arrived home to one crying child, one angry one and one that was just glad I was home. In the ten minutes I was gone Elly had gotten the big scab ripped of her face, was convinced (due to my threats) that now she would have a scar and was hysterical. Cameron was oblivious claiming he didn't do anything wrong and wondering what he got for watching the girls..... I told him that he "got" to have dinner! I then got yelled at, cussed at and mocked. The girls and I ate alone. Cameron ate afterward by himself as he seemed to need that. Chase finally walked in after we were all done and the dishes had been done expected his dinner to be waiting for him (which it was). After the girls had taken their showers and soaked my just cleaned bathroom Jorydn ended the night by peeing her pants. Boy, this is fun! I miss my husband - my partner in this life! I took out a few loads of garbage, knowing that if it didn't do it now it would be missed by the garbage man tomorrow and on my way back in the house I noticed how my tulips are sprouting from the ground. Mind you we have pulled them all up and put weed block over the soil that they grew in. I had actually kind of forgotten about them. Yet there they were, back and stronger that ever! I was amazed at their resiliance! They get dug up, messed with, blocked, covered... yet they keep coming back....even stonger than before. Once upon a time I may have considered myself some kind of a petunia but these days I am more of a tulip. I say this knowing that I will wake up tomorrow morning with the struggles and trial of today a mere memory. I will be grateful for the air I breathe, the sun that shines, each moment I get to spend with my children, this beautiful life that I get to live and a God that is bigger that anything that my come along and try to "ruin" my day. Although today I was dug at, beat on, covered and forgotten I will get up tomorrow all the stronger for it. Yep, I'm definitely a tulip!

Happy Birthday Madyson!!!

Going from being a "child" to double digits age is a big deal! I remember my tenth birthday and feeling like I finally wasn't a little girl anymore! Well, today my oldest daughter is celebrating that milestone. I can hardly believe that this day has already come. I am also celebrating the day my life truly began. In honor of my beautiful Madyson's 10th birthday I'd like to share my story with you all. She has blessed my life in more ways that I could have ever know and was one of the BEST gifts I have ever recieved!! (The other 3 being my wonderful husband and 2 other children!!!) I love you Madyson Danielle!!! Happy 1oth birthday! Always remember that even in the our biggest stuggles and trials God has a purpose and plan for it all. Trust in Him and he will never leave your side!!!

On June 5, 1999 I proudly walked across the stage in front of my friends and family and officially graduated from high school. I had done it! I was finally going to start my own life! Okay world, here I come!!!
On June 21, 1999 I stood alone in my bathroom staring down at the pregnancy test I had just taken. It had two lines and confirmed what I had been worried about for a few weeks. I tried desperately to convince myself that two lines meant negative. You see, my life was just beginning and this was not in my plan. How could it have happened? I remember feeling so overwhelmed and scared yet the tears wouldn’t come. While I stood there alone, afraid and shaking I realized that this secret fear that I had been keeping would all too soon become quite obvious. At 18 years old I was going to be a mother.
The weeks that followed were an emotional blur. The tears did eventually come as I had to tell my mom that I was pregnant. She went into her room, closed the door and for weeks barely spoke a word to me. My boyfriend took the new just about as well as she did. He just sighed, shook his head and began to try to convince me that I should have an abortion. In fact, it seemed that everyone who knew felt the same way. I’ll never forget when I was told “this is one mistake in life that you can fix.” Is that what they saw it as? Just get rid of it and pretend like this never happened and then everything goes back to normal. But I knew that from the moment I found out there was a new life growing inside of me that there was no such thing as normal anymore. There was no other choice for me. My decision had been made and there was nothing anyone could say to me that was going change my mind.
By the grace of God I found a local pregnancy crisis center that just happened to be starting a support group for young expectant mothers. The volunteers were each angels in my life. They offered me hope and support at a time that my own family was unable to give it to me. There I met other girls in my same situation and we connected in a way that others weren’t able to understand. I learned how to care for and parent my child. I was able to “shop” for items that I needed in their Mom Shop with the points that I earned for attendance, doctors visits, education and such. But more than anything I felt I had a place where I fit in and was understood. A place where I wasn’t judged, only loved. A place where my choice was the right one and nobody questioned it.
My mom did eventually come around during the second half of my pregnancy. At that time I could only see her as being selfish. After all I was the one who was pregnant. I was the one who was, as everyone seemed to think, “giving up my life!“ I can now look back and see things from her perspective as well. She had always wanted the best for me and she somehow felt as though she failed me. She knew how difficult having a child and being a mother was even with a partner. She saw some of the struggles and pain that I would experience long before I ever went through them. She knew some of the things that I was going to miss out on. She wanted more for me than what she felt she had. You see, she too had a “plan” for life, and just as I had felt in the beginning, this was not part of it.
On February 15, 2000 at 1:24 p.m. I gave birth to a beautiful, healthy, perfect baby girl. The moment the doctor placed her tiny body in my arms I was consumed with an emotion that I cannot begin to describe. The love that I had for my child was beyond anything that I had ever felt or experienced before. In those moments I heard a still, small voice whispering to me that it will all be okay and I knew that it would.
The relationship I had with my boyfriend was pretty unstable long before I ever got pregnant. We had been together on and off for over two years and I tried so hard to cling to what I wanted it to be. He continually lied to me. He gave me ultimatums about the time I was allowed with him and the time that he got to spend away from me with his friends. I was so desperate to be loved that I allowed myself to be treated like that. I was just sure that when the baby came he would change. He would want to marry me and we would make it! I didn’t want to become another statistic and I honestly believed that if I just tried hard and hung in there long enough that I could make it work. I learned otherwise. When our daughter was six weeks old he told me, “I don’t like the way my life is anymore,” and just like that he was able to walk away and go live the way he wanted. Once again I sat there alone and wondered what I was supposed to do from here. As angry as I was at him I knew that it was really over this time. No more begging him to come back to me. No more pretending that I didn’t know he was lying to me. No more promises that I would do better. It was finally over and as strange as it sounds, there was a certain peace that came with that.
I woke up early one Sunday morning and for reasons unknown to me I got my daughter and myself ready and we went to church. One of the volunteers at the center had been inviting me to come to her church and this was as good a day as any. I walked in, infant carrier in hand and sat down. I expected to be stared at and judged by the people there. I had grown accustomed to peoples objecting glances and whispers. I went there alone but somehow I didn’t feel alone. I truly believe that as I sat in the pew in that little white building Jesus was there, next to me, holding my hand and telling me “I’m right here. I’ve always been right here.” I continued to go back to that church week after week and little by little I started to let go of “my plan” and let God work out His plan. I knew that there was more for me that what my circumstances or some of the people in my life wanted me to believe.
Things were by no means easy. I was a single mother living on my own in a low-income apartment complex. When the baby woke up in the middle of the night there was no one there to help out. When she was sick I was the one who took care of her. When I was sick she still needed to be cared for. It was a full time job. I had gotten by on what I had saved and with government help for about six months but it was running out and my benefits were up. In August 2000 I had to put my daughter into daycare and begin working a new full time job. I had placed my resume with a temp agency and after a few weeks I had still not heard anything from them. I contacted them and found out that somehow my paperwork had been misplaced. I went back in, filled out the paperwork again, completed an orientation class and within a week was placed in a pretty good job. While I had walked around being frustrated that I had not been contacted or placed it was in that time that God was doing what he had promised me he would do. I went to work on Aug. 8, 2000 not knowing that this was the day I would meet the real man He had chosen for me. This was the day I would meet my husband.
For the first time in my life I experienced what romantic love was meant to feel like. It was not desperate or jealous, angry or controlling. It was beautiful and it was worth the wait. I felt as though I had been swept off of my feet and I didn’t want to come back down. Not only was he handsome and kind, he was a man of God and I learned so much from him without feeling like he ever pushed it upon me. His life had been filled with trials and tribulation too and he had come out better and stronger for it. The day I introduced my daughter to him I explained that she was the most important part of my life and that if he wanted me he had to want her too. His heart was open and he welcomed her willingly in to his life. I had a hard time believing that I could really feel this happy. This man had not only fallen in love with me but he had fallen in love with my child as well.
We were married the next summer and I had the day I had dreamed of my whole life. Sure some things were different than I had originally intended but I wouldn’t have changed it for the world. I learned more about myself that previous year and a half than I had in my whole life. I discovered how strong I really was and I learned to trust that I was not alone in this world. I was blessed and it took all of this happening to me before I could open my eyes and see it for myself.
When my daughter was two years old I requested that her biological father sign away his parental rights. He had never been an active part of her life and though my husband had always felt like her father he wanted to legally adopt her as well. I prayed that her biological father would do what was truly best for her and in the end he did agree to it. I don’t know what his reasoning was. Maybe he saw this as a get-out-of-jail free card with no responsibility or child support payments. I choose to believe that it was his way of making up for what he was never able or willing to give her. She deserved a father and now she had one. She had her real daddy!
I am now nearly 29 years old. I have been happily married to my one true soul mate for over eight years. My daughter is now 10 years old and in the fourth grade. She is so smart and loving. She had a kind and gentle spirit that touches everyone she meets. She befriends the children who don’t have anyone to play with. She looks out for the younger kids around to make sure they don’t get hurt or picked on. She is the light of her grandma and grandpa’s lives. She loves the Lord! She makes me so proud to be her mother and I cannot imagine a day in my life without her.
We have also been blessed with two more daughters, one 6 years old and the other just turned 3. After 10 years with the same company my husband recently started a new job working for an incredible company that has amazing potential to grow into much more. I have had the opportunity to be a full time stay at home mom to my three girls for the last seven years. It has come with sacrifices but is also completely worth it. I am also in my sixth year of leadership in a Christian mothers group that ministers to all mothers of preschool aged children regardless of who they are, where they come from or what they believe. I have been able to use my past to encourage and support other mothers and in return I have benefited from each and every one of them. I have recently accepted a position as Coordinator of our new Teen MOPS group - a group that I am building from the groud up. This is something that I have wanted to do for a long time and although I am terrified by the enormity of it I kn0w that God will equipt me will everything that I need to bring his love and peace to these teenage mothers that are facing the same life of uncertainty that I was 10 years ago.
I look at my beautiful family and see the tapestry of my life that God has so carefully sewn together. When you look at the back of a quilt it doesn’t really look that pretty. The pieces are all rough and frayed and sometimes the whole thing just seems like a big mess. But then you flip it over it is incredibly beautiful. Things don’t always have to make sense when God is in control. His plan is perfect and He will never let you down.
I want my story to be one of hope. I want to tell people that although part of my life did end when I became pregnant at 18 years old a new and better part was just beginning. I wish I could tell everyone who doubted me that my life is better today that I could have ever imagined. I now try to look at the hard times in my life not as obstacles but rather as opportunities. I depend on God to carry me when I don’t feel like I can carry myself. I do my best with what I have been given, and I give the rest to Him. I understand why my life took the path that it did. I was determined to live my own way, to make all my own choices and to control my destiny. I was headed in a direction that surely would have destroyed me. God gave me life so that I would give Him mine. And on those day when my troubles seem to be more than I can handle I can close my eyes and hear Him say, “I’m still here. I will always be here.”
　
　
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

I love you all! ~Amy

This is getting rediculous...

Well, day 12 has turned into day 13 and still no HUSBAND! Apparently 3 inches of snow is enough to ground virtually all flight out of Atlanta this weekend. I can't even describe my dissapointment in getting a call yesterday saying that not only was his flight cancelled but he couldn't even book another one for over 24 hours. At the moment I was sitting in the nail salon, finishing my "beautifying" for my love's arrival. I'm talking clean house, clean sheets, makeup done, hair done........... all for what? Another night alone! I got up this morning... at 5:45 am... to face a day of utter chaos. I am not only coaching a game this morning but I also have Madyson's birthday party scheduled for today - 15 kids and ONE ME!!! I have vowed that I will not sleep in that bed again until he was there too. Looks like I might be crashing on the couch tonight. Terry has a flight scheduled that is due to arrive in Spokane just after 11 pm tonight given nothing "unexpected" happens between now and then. Ha Ha I say to myself! In my life I've come accustomed to expecting the unexpected! I'm not looking forward to the thought of possibly spending Valentine's Day alone.... but I would much rather have him SAFELY across the country than not here at all. Keep us in your prayers!!!

Who'd have though?

Once upon a time I though cheerleading was a silly, rediculous reason to act like a bimbo and date football players, much less a REAL sport. Okay, so maybe in reality I was actually just a little (or a lot) jealous that I didn't fit that mold. You know....... pretty, thin , popular! So for years I just pretended like I thought it was all a joke. Who'd have though that here, at 28 (well, almost 29) years old I would be coaching a CHEERLEADING team!!! After a disasterous attempt to force Madyson into a team sport (soccer was NOT her thing!) we enrolled her into Upward Basketball and Cheerleading when she was in 1st grade. Despite my previous feelings about cheerleaders it was so much fun to watch her grown and learn. And beyond that it was amazing to see how the love of God is taught to ALL kids through this organization and they are all made to feel equal and SPECIAL! She has been cheering for 4 years now and each year they have asked me if I was interested in being a coach. I had all the excuses in the world! I was raising small children, I am already very involved in MOPS and that took up most of my free time, and most of all I had NO idea what I was doing! But then we went to Evaluation night this year and they were in desperate need of coaches. My beautiful daughter looked at me with her big blue puppy dog eyes and said "Please Mommy! Will you be my coach?" (Yes - I absolutely LOVE the fact that my near 10-year-old still calls me Mommy!) How do you say NO to that??? I didn't! I called my dear friend Ruthe, who happened to be a cheerleader in high school, and convinced her to be my co-coach. I think she felt sorry for me and said yes. Well that was a couple of months ago and now we are over half way through our season. This endeavor has been so much more that I expected. This organization is amazing and the way they way they love these children is inspiring! I have had the opportunity to be a honorary cheerleader, even teaching a few of the easier cheers by myself!! I have also had the chance to witness to these beautiful young girls. Going into this I thought that I had something to teach them but I know that they have taught me far more that I have them! It is hard to step outside of that secure little box that we all live in, but when you do the rewards are GREAT!!! Go Upward!!!

This is hard! I miss him......

Well I've officially made it to the weekend. For those of you who don't know my hubby left EARLY (4:30 am) on Monday morning and is right now in the middle of a 12 day training session for his new job. I knew that taking care of the 5 kids on my own would be tough - and don't get me wrong- IT IS!!! But the worst part about this is how much I miss my constant companion. I know that he is missing us too. Yesterday was his birthday and for the first time in 10 years we didn't get to celebrate it with him. I had a boquet of chocolate dipped strawberries delivered to to his hotel room (Edible Arrangements) with a birthday balloon and card but it just wasn't the same. Birthdays are a really big deal to me! I go all out! Last year I slaved away at the stove to make him Coq au Vin, a dish the he had been dying to try. It was DELICOUS!! Needless to say, I haven't made it since! I also made him his favorite - cheesecake - topped with tart lemon curd! I have recently figured out that my love language is gifts! I was almost embarrassed about that because to me it seemed so shallow. But as I explored it more, it wasn't necessarily ME receiving gifts but the fact that this was how I showed love to others. The little chocolate boquet didn't cut it! I have a grand plan in the works for his return =)

So here it is, Friday evening. This is usually when Terry and I just relax from the week and plan what we want to do with the kids for the weekend. It's hard not having him here to do that with! I have tried to fill their time with some fun outings. We went to the dollar movie on Wednesday night, gorged ourselves with popcorn and called that "dinner" for the night. Tonight we're heading to Chuck E Cheese. I am enjoying my time with them but I do have to admit that it is also a distraction from the obvious. I am alone! I have a new understanding for the moms the do this day in and day out. I can handle the "work" part alright, it is the lonliness in my heart that I'm struggling with right now. I miss you Terry! Come home soon!

Happy Birthday Baby Girl!

Three years ago today (almost at this exact moment!) our little Jorydn Rylee Sanchez entered the world. She was the best "SURPRISE" that we have ever received. I can't even imagine my life without this beautiful child in it. Her smile lights up the room, her giggle is music to my ears and her hugs and kissed make even my toughest days feel joyous and wonderful! I love this little girl with all my heart. Thank you God for letting me be her mommy! Happy 3rd Birthday to my sweet little girl!!!

Goodbye 2009 Hello 2010

I haven't posted a blog update for so long! I just read my friend's (who posts almost everyday) and am now feeling inspired. So while I should be cleaning and organizing my house I sit here instead! :) December came and went in the blink of an eye! We have had almost NO snow and this is the first Christmas in a LONG time that I can I remember the wasn't a "white" one. It was actually a little sad :( I'm not sure whether I prefer this or our massive snow storms of the last few years.

We stayed in town for Christmas this year and while we dearly missed our family back home it was so nice and relaxing to not have pack, travel, repack, etc... There is something so peaceful about waking up in your own home on Christmas morning. The fact that we didn't have to wait long to visit my parents may have helped too. They came over on the 26th and visited for a few days while the boys were in Clarkston with their Grandma and Aunt. It is always so much fun for us when they visit!!! They kids all got far too many things as usual! With all the relatives they have we (Terry and I) could almost get away with not buying them anything at all. It was hard to recieve SO MUCH when there are so many people out there hurting right now. It was amazing to see the kids really appreciate what they have and be aware of the fact that they are blessed and there are others out there that don't have so much. I often marvel at how intuitive children are. They teach me just as much as I teach them, if not more!

We enter 2010 with with excitment for all that is to come. We know that this year just as any other will come with it's share of joy and sorrows, great times and days that we would like to forget but that is what makes life so incredible!!! May God bless you all this year!!! Happy 2010 from the Sanchez's!